A Contrast in Lines

Interesting contrast in lines... I like the reflection and the way it adds this layer of complexity to the image. Nothing left to say...

and all I've left to do... is run away... from you...

PV

the Floor Sticking to our Feet Like History...

I stole the title from a Modest Mouse song but it just seemed appropriate for the content. I recently visited the Museum of Natural History in New York where I took these photos. It is a strange experience seeing or touching something that is literally millions of years old. We live a fraction of that time and yet we see so much...

I had such a limited time here I couldn't read all that I wanted to... it was nonetheless a very humbling experience. Life is really amazing. Short but amazing. Enjoy it.

Something personal

I apologize for the large lapse in posts on my part. I'm not saying it won't happen again, as it will, but I'll try not to leave such a gap between postings.

So on the serious side for a bit here. I'm currently doing terrible in my Thesis class this semester. My original proposed idea was impractical, lifeless and hard to execute. I think the idea itself is good, but my poor execution was due to being detached and trying to make something out of nothing. I do think the original idea will work, but I would need to change the entire execution and I just don't think I'm invested enough in it to do a good job.

The logical step would be to change my entire project before it gets too late. And for once, I took the logical step. My only issue with this is my new direction.

I've decided to do my thesis project on my relationship with OB and the impact his death has had on my life. This actually was my original idea for a thesis project. But I went against my first instinct because I don't want to think about it. Basically, this project will be my artistic life for the next 1.5-2 years and I didn't want to commit to carrying these feelings for that long.

Only problem is that I do. And I will. Time passes, but it really doesn't get much easier. Someone much wiser than I told me that it'll never fully go away. I am inclined to believe that. 6 months later and I still have to remind myself that he's gone. The curse of being so close to and similar to someone is that EVERYTHING reminds you of them. I know the 6 months is still a short period of time, but I have been getting good at letting things so. Chalk it up to experience with age, but I don't see the point in harboring bad feelings toward anything anymore.

Well, except if you got me thrown in jail. I'm still holding on to that one.

I think the part that scares me the most is that this is about as personal a project as I can do. I tend to operate with a certain level of detachment with most things I do. At least artistically. I write, but it's usually about something trivial. I photograph, but it's never highly personal.

This is. And that scares the shit out of me.

I've sketched and wrote notes on at about 9 photographs (so far) I plan to shoot. Every one will be a self-portrait of some sort, not unlike the ones I posted before.

It scares me in that I'm not overly personal, yet I'm proposing to document and show one of the most emotionally devastating moments of my life. And I'm not sure how comfortable I am with that. But I'm trying to wrap my head around it. I think to some degree, it'll be cathartic. To get it out, which I'm not known to do. This blog in itself is atypical for me.

So I'll be posting shots as I shoot them. Comment if you'd like. I get critiqued on everything, so I welcome criticisms and suggestions. I don't take them personally, even if the subject is personal.

K

On Our Way to Disappear

Grand Central Station in New York on a Saturday afternoon. Totally empty and perfect.

Offend in Every Way

What the fuck is wrong with this country when our news anchors keep talking about how this disaster in Japan could be good for our economy. Its as if the Japanese people are not alive to them or something and I wonder if this is indicative of how many people feel about those outside the US. We seem to be obsessed with war. My parents were in Germany a few years ago and the couple they stayed with bluntly said that our problem is that we've never had war on our own soil. At least not in a way that has scarred us to the reality of what war really is.... a bunch of power hungry fuckers using the rest of us to pursuit their own goals at whatever cost. Its attitudes like that, that I seek to change. This weekend I feel like my life was changed several times and I now know I cannot just sit here when there is so much going on in the world that I as an artist have a duty to reveal. So it begins....

Apocalypse later

This will make me sound insane. Which I can't completely refute, but I'd rather refer to myself as psychologically quirky.

Some of you might know, but I've started slowly building my apocalypse backpack. Not for anything specific. I'm not buying into the whole 2012 thing, zombie outbreak or the return of Jesus. I mean if Jesus does come back and says "hey, fuck you Buddhists", I'm screwed anyway because my backpack won't be complete by the time he returns this year. Or at least that's when the billboard tells me he'll be back.

I just kind of think it's a good thing to have. That one thing you grab if shit really hits the fan and you may need to survive out in God knows where for who the fuck knows how long. Plus it gives me a reason to buy cool shit, like machetes.

I guess in retrospect, that just makes me sound even more insane. Plus if the government actually tracks everything people buy online, I've got to have one of the weirder files. And probably flagged. I think in the past 6 months, I've bought 2 knives and a machete, premium photo paper, a compass, a cheap portfolio,  a Phoenix Marvel statue, a fire starter, Little Big Planet 2, 100 ft of paracord, a UV lens filter, 3 seasons of Murder, She Wrote (that was actually my sister's Christmas gift. She has this weird infatuation with senior citizens.) a copy of Kitchen Confidential and a few random movies. And this was only on Amazon. Stupid Amazon and their random array of stuff you never knew you wanted and convenient 1 click ordering.

Maybe I've been watching too many apocalyptic movies. Or listening to too much Coast to Coast and all the conspiracy theories have been slowly seeping into my unconsciousness. But somehow the idea of the apocalypse backpack became less of the in and more of the sane. It's probably a bit more on the in because I haven't actually bought the backpack yet.

But for now, I continue adding to my random ass pile for apocalypse survival. Next will be my tinfoil helmet.

If you happen to see me wearing white shoes and handing out Kool Aid with handfuls of psychedelics, I've completely lost it and please just run me down. It'll be better for everyone in the long run.

K

For Phil, Tyler and Adam

MT

If you are are a fan of "this" musician, the scene pictured here is undoubtedly a landmark here in Los Angeles that you should seek to visit.  When I stood here, I thought of my old friends that introduced me to the artist, and then had one of those moments.  It was fitting that the mural had been sprayed by taggers and graffiti artists over the years.  (yes, the unique wall painting is the center piece to this whole story).  It wouldn't feel right if the painting was unmolested....when my only means to share my photos was facebook, I titled the folder "Time Only Conceals"...(I never title pictures, only folders....yet this folder had but one picture....).....but I don't think that title was well thought out.  At the real site, the graffiti worked its way up, reaching as far as anybody wishing to mark their own presence could extend their arms.  In fact, I once read the painting had been partially covered over multiple times over the years, and the owners of the recording study; to which the painting belongs; had restored it as many times.  Eventually, the owners or occupants will give up due to financial necessity; or will move or close shop and subsequently abandon the right to recover and revive the painting.  Someone will then relocate to this address or a new business will sprout in the abandoned space.  The owners or investors will quickly realize or will have predetermined an opportunity to advertise anything/something/everything important to their affairs, and the space on which the original painting currently rots beneath newer soil layers, a new history will be written.  Many times over, in fact.  And for some, just as important.  Looking long down the march of time, I don't see a present sign or bronze plate of either sunken or raised letters arranged in a way that speaks to what 'once was'... and therefore, I don't see anything assisting the rare future pilgrimage; no placard will be funded to say "An important moment and symbol in a particular musical history occurred here, and, for many years, a reflective painting remained behind, commemorating this time and indeed attempted gracefully to weather the cancer of time, until it fell to the movement of time in 20XX - Paid for by the those who knew"  In fact, if a placard ever does surface, it would be absurd.  Having traveled to many great destinations, I often laughed when I found a placard that stated "So and So lived here, or the XYZ was formed here in 1622, You cannot relate to this, and anyone that ever likely could have cared, surely died 220 years ago, but this placard marks the site, nonetheless"  I don't think Elliot have an opinion, one way or the other, but trust me....it will disappear as it should.  The people remembering will always be relative to the people engaged....so as both fade, both can disappear without the need for true sadness to be considered.  I should have written on my facebook folder, "A period in the time, in which I was lucky to be present"

Matt